Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Spanish Janice. I'm Janice Burt, and today we're diving into conversations that inspire growth, connection, and confidence. You're watching now Media Television. Bienvenidos mis amigos. Welcome to Spanish Janice. I have an amazing guest today. Andrew Defy is a poet, a TEDx speaker.
He is an Academy of American Poet Laureate fellow and a get this, cultural architect whose work bridges poetry, neuroscience, and community transformation.
And his work asks a very bold question.
What if joy is not random at all? What if joy is something that we can train?
Andrew, thank you so much for being on Spanish Janice.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Thank you for that intro. Come on, come on.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: You're the one who has all the. All the accolades.
And before we get into all of that, I really want to focus on joy because I feel like right now, in this time in our lives, in the world and everything that's going on, it's really, truly important.
So what, first of all, what started you on this?
You call it a great joy hunt. And how did that begin? What triggered that?
[00:01:34] Speaker B: I think it started the same place everybody's great joy hunt starts. In the dark, alone, in pain.
I had gone through a really hard breakup. I'd lost a couple of people to suicide.
It just. There was a lot that, like, piled up in this moment, and I was not doing well. And I knew, like, I just woke up one day and was like, you need to hunt the joy. Like, you have to go find something good to focus on, otherwise you're not going to make it out of this dark place.
So it was absolutely the need for it.
It's interesting now because there's like an academic component, but it was really me trying to claw out of a dark hole to save my life at the beginning of this.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: And it's interesting that you say that because I know a lot of times people talk about the going from pain to then the purpose in their life or, you know, your mess to your message kind of thing, which sounds very similar to kind of what you're saying in that dark place.
And a lot of times we teach what we've either learned the hard way or are still working on learning.
So when you were in that dark place, what was the first glimmer of hope or sense that there was joy beyond that that you felt or saw?
[00:03:14] Speaker B: It was finding the basics. And it's really.
It's one of those things when people ask me, how do I find more joy in my life? And I'll go to the basics. And we all kind of just like, almost shirk them off a little bit. Right. Like, for me, I had to go to. I had to go to my local neighborhood grocery store, and I didn't have a car at the time, so I had to walk.
And on the walk I was like, oh, God, this sun in California feels so good. Good. This neighborhood. My neighbor saying, hi, right? I got to check in with a couple of them I hadn't seen.
And this part of like, go outside, take a walk. Like, really, that will do more for your mental health than a lot of things in life.
And so coming back to some of those basics and. And now for me, it's about this, figuring out the science of why it works, right? But at the time, just knowing that this works, just knowing, oh, I need to leave my house once day. My therapist would joke, you need to leave your house out the front door once a day, right? Like, don't just go sit in the backyard and sit in the sunshine.
But yeah, it was, it was those basics and it was finding, you know, I think when you.
It's where you're looking is what you see, right? Like, it's that same thing where when you're like, oh, I think I'm gonna buy a Honda Accord, then all you see on the road is Honda Accords, right? And I think I knew inherently that I just needed to adjust where I was looking and to be able to, like, get up in the morning and find something to be joyful about, whether it was, I'm going to take that walk or I'm going to play a sport or I'm going to turn this music on extra loud this morning.
But, you know, just. Again, yeah, the basics.
[00:05:03] Speaker A: Now, was that somewhat of a homework assignment for you that you would do? Because the therapist suggested it. Like, did you have it, let's say, scheduled kind of in your calendar? Like, I'm being very intentional about doing these certain simple, you know, but sometimes not so easy things, right?
[00:05:22] Speaker B: When I. When I started the Great Joy, I didn't have a therapist, so there was. It was me giving myself the homework. It was me going, you know, what makes you feel better? And I think a lot of times we do know, right? We, you know, when you're sitting in bed, bedrotting and doom scrolling like, you know, that it'd be a much better idea for you to get up, go walk around the block and eat a good healthy meal and, you know, feel some sunshine. And a lot of times we still don't do that. So it became that discipline. And that's where, you know, kind of that thesis statement of the Great Joy hunt of joy is a skill, not an emotion, right? Like, I'm not going to just wake up and feel joy. Like, I have to go chase this and work for this. And I know how to do that. I know what steps it takes, right?
[00:06:09] Speaker A: So for somebody who's just starting with their great joy hunt, and they feel in those similar depths of despair that you were once in, what is besides that very simple of going outside for a walk, is there anything else that's a really good first step for somebody like that?
[00:06:31] Speaker B: You know, in all the research that I've done, one of the things that comes up is that there's not a universal recipe for this, right? Where it may be granted things like getting some sunshine, talking to friends, like these things do universally work, but your recipe is going to be different for you. So really thinking about, I think sitting and thinking about what has brought you joy. What are those moments where you felt lighter than you do right now?
Where are the places that you've kind of always turned? I think a good place to go to is when you were a kid, what made you happy, right? If you were a tree climber, go climb a tree, watch what happens, right? I played street hockey growing up, and in the pandemic when I was, I got a special edition immune system. So I was alone for about two years. And one of the things that I did was I got a street hockey ball and a stick and I was just out in the backyard playing like I was in the Mighty Ducks. Because it was touches that childhood, right?
So I think when you're figuring out what your joy hunt looks like, I think look back to childhood and then, you know, and even in the recent years, in the past five, 10 years, what brings you joy? What are the happiest moments when you do feel that and then put yourself in those positions.
I think also having something to look forward to, the chemical reaction that sets off is your dopamine and keeps you, like, looking forward to something. And I think a lot of times that's huge for us. That's something my mom always did inherently. And now again, now I'm going back to the science and being like, oh, that's why that worked, right?
So, yeah, having something to look forward to.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: Talk a little bit more about the science of it, because I know you've been doing a lot of research and. And I tend to be the type of person, like you were mentioning before, where it's like, well, it works. I don't need to know why, I just know that it works. So I'M going to keep doing it. But there is something really cool about being able to scientifically prove or know that this great joy hunt is effective. And so what, what have you found that's most interesting to you about the
[00:08:56] Speaker B: scientific part of all that most of joy is tied. Do five things, and the way I remember this and break it down for people is dose and cortisol, right? So dose is dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins. And these are the four that really run your whole neurochemistry.
You know, your dopamine is your anticipation and your motivation. Your oxytocin is your trust and bonding. Your serotonin is how you feel about yourself and your essential steam, your endorphins is your release, right? So all of these things can touch joy and create more joy. Like I said, when you have something you're looking forward to, that's your dopamine. Right now in eye contact, we're doing trust and bonding. That's oxytocin, right?
When you have a vulnerable, transparent conversation with someone, that's oxytocin.
When you speak highly of yourself, that serotonin, right? When you do something to feel good about yourself, you know, sometimes that means I gotta go back and like read a good poem because all I've been writing is bad poems lately, right?
And watching what we say to ourselves.
Endorphins is everything from you could go, I'm a box. So you can go hit the heavy bag, or you could cry, or you could laugh. All of these are releases. So when you've released, that's your endorphins. So those are all of kind of the positive ones or your dose chemicals. And then cortisol is this thing that gets a really bad name as a stress chemical. And it is.
But it's also when someone veers into your lane and you do that quick jump, right? And it keeps you safe and you feel your awareness pick up. That's cortisol. The cortisol just spiked in your body and it makes you more aware of things. The problem comes when the cortisol stays spiked. And that's what happens to a lot of us.
When you're living in oppressive environments, when you're living under late stage capitalism just pushing down on you. This cortisol and this stress is always high and that's. That can do wild things to your body that messes with your time perception, the stories that you're telling yourself, the way you perceive things can all be affected by the amount of cortisol and how long that it's been spiked? Because that's the thing. It's not about not having cortisol spikes that can really help you in times, but when it's spiked for too long, it gets really messy and really damaging.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: So what are some of the reset techniques for not having your cortisol stay up here in fight or flight for, you know, extended periods?
[00:11:44] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think, you know, there's again, the basics that we tend to kind of veer away from, right? Are breathing.
We tend to breathe so shallow. Of viewers, check your breath right now. And how deep are you breathing? Is it just the normal here? Are you taking the full.
Because that resets the vagus nerve and that resets all of the cortisol to come down. When you're taking those full, deep breaths and oxygenating yourself fully, getting out into nature is a great way to do that. Go. There's like real science behind hugging a tree, you know what I mean? Like, so a lot of that and then just kind of taking yourself out of those situations. There are people, places and things in your life that spike cortisol, and a lot of us put ourselves in those places with those people and things kind of knowingly and as a pattern and, you know, you have to be. It's not always easy to remove yourself from. From that, but it's definitely been worth it. In my life, I've definitely had to move from some places or this isn't good for me. This doesn't.
When a relationship doesn't feel good to my nervous system, like, I gotta go, you know, and I think that tuning into that for us, you know, gives you where your triggers are and, oh, is this. Is this person over here? Is this job over here? Right.
Another interesting thing around the joy is like, there's the.
The joy that comes from inside, and then there's the joy from situational. And you can change the both of these things. And some of us are more affected by one than the other, as the studies show.
So again, it's for you, right? You may be someone who, if I'm in an unhappy relationship, I got to get out of the relationship. I may also be someone who, if I'm in an unhappy relationship, I got to go inside and go, okay, what am I. What's going on in here that I'm not feeling fully joyful, fully seen, or fully appreciated in this relationship? Maybe that has more to do with me and my mental state, because I've had jobs like that where I was like, no, it's not them. This is me. This is me. I don't want to be here, right? So I gotta adjust my attitude versus adjusting the circumstances.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Oh, I, I love that. And when we get back, we're, we're going to take a short break and we're going to talk about poetry, we're going to talk about TEDx, we're going to talk about using our voice. So everybody stay right with us. We will be right back with Andrew.
We'll be right back with more insight, inspiration and real conversations. This is Spanish Janice on NOW Media Television. And we're back. I'm Janice Burt and you're watching Spanish Janice. Let's keep growing together.
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And I am back with Andrew Defy. And Andrew, we are going to talk about expression now, about our voice. And I know you and I actually met on the TEDx stage in Folsom and it was such a joy.
Speaking of joy, see, I was looking, I was looking, I was hunting to see you perform your poem on stage in such a just real authentic, heartfelt, connected sort of way.
What was your journey like getting on to that TEDx stage? Like, had you done much speaking before then? How was that journey for you?
[00:16:06] Speaker B: So I've been a performing poet since I was 18 years old or so.
So I've touched a lot of stages, been around the country doing poetry, had never really thought about a TEDx stage.
And then got a hit from a friend of mine, Paulette, Shout out Paulette, and was like, yo, you'd be great for this. And I almost didn't do it.
And it was like the last day that you could send in an application. I was like, oh, I got time today. I'll just send this in and try it.
And then got accepted. And it was a little extra heavy because it was, the practice was a year to the day after my dad had passed.
So I showed up to that practice sunglasses on because I'd been crying my eyes out that whole drive over. Like I was not in a great way and felt like I also had a little bit of like, company with me when I hit that stage, you know, it felt like pops was looking out. So, yeah, it was, it was an incredible experience.
The after effects and the, the things that have come from that and the ripples that have come from that have been so powerful.
And I love that it's that piece.
There's a piece that's about masculinity and I love that that's the piece that got, you know, captured for, for the long term via TEDx.
[00:17:47] Speaker A: Well, and you bring up an interesting point, a little bit of a digression, but the fact that we just don't know what people are going through, you know, seeing you that day, and we're all there doing our thing, but it's just a reminder to me, I guess, to just be compassionate and loving all the time, if we can be, because we really don't know what people are going through on the inside in any given situation or any given day. So that was just a little thought that popped into my head, you know.
Now a lot of people struggle with expression, self expression.
They struggle with using their own voice, their own ideas and thoughts.
First of all, did you ever have that struggle with writing poetry and then expressing it?
[00:18:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I think a lot of my poetry and expression comes out of a lack, when I was young, comes out of a lack of autonomy, a lack of advocacy, a lack of self advocacy, not knowing how to advocate for self. And that goes for the education system, that goes for the medical system.
So a lot of mine comes from self.
Self preservation, really. I was going to say self soothing, but it's more than that, it's self preservation.
So, you know, by the time that I was writing poetry and presenting it, there were, there were nerves. I still get what I call the pre show pukes.
But it was, it was knowing that this was what was going to keep me alive.
And it's. The poetry has always been that for me, it was what was going to keep me alive, it was what was going to keep me on track, it was what was going to keep my community okay and healthy and building.
So yeah, there were, there were definitely like nerves. But yeah, that, that self preservation piece really pushed my heart.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: I, I don't, I didn't ask you this before, so I don't want to exactly put you on the spot, so if you don't want to just say pass.
But is there any, like a short poem, a short couple verses that you just have up your sleeve that you can share with the audience?
[00:20:23] Speaker B: I mean, I absolutely do. Let me sit with which ones that I want to share generally when asked that question. I have a poem called Enough, and this is the poem that is most well known of mine throughout the World. It's been taught in London and the Philippines. And I get random text messages and DMs from people around the world that'll be like, I learned your poem today. And the poem is just about being enough.
And that comes from, again, myself not feeling like enough.
So now working to. I recognize that in other people when I go into schools, I recognize any young people. I can tell you who in the room doesn't feel like they're enough almost immediately upon walking in, because I got that radar. And so now to be able to give people that knowing and that affirmation that they are enough, that's. That's for sure one of the biggest gifts. And that one starts off, you are enough.
Divinity flows in your fingertips with light so radiant every beat of your heart. A victory march.
I won't get all the way into that, but yeah, that one's online. You can find that.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: See, I get chills. Like, I love spoken word poetry. I love that type of expression. Expression.
Talk to everybody about your journey to becoming poet laureate. Is that correct? Okay. How did this happen?
[00:21:56] Speaker B: You know, I've been a performance poet, and I think more importantly than that, in Sacramento, I started making spaces for poetry about 2012 or so, and that started with open mics. And then we started doing these guerrilla art form flash mobs. And then we did these I love myself flash mobs. And it was a lot of pushing poetry into spaces where it wasn't at normally or where it shouldn't be.
I love to do that. I think a lot of times poetry is ruined by the school systems for people, so people think that it's boring or it's. I always say, roses are red, violets are blue. Poetry sucks, and so do you. And people think that that's what it is until we came in and we start doing these slam pieces and start doing these spoken word pieces, and people get their hearts cracked wide open. And what even is this?
That's my story. I feel like that. And so, you know, we had done a lot of that for about 15 years or so, and then the poet laureate came up for eligibility again.
And that year I was turning 35, and you had to be 35 to be it.
And so I applied.
I do want to say that I asked some of my elders first, and I say, yo, it's up. Like, would you like to apply? You should apply. You should apply. And I went to all of my elders, and none of my elders wanted it, and so I applied.
But I think it's important to say that, like, you know, you honor the people who, who created space for you, and there are people in this city who did that for me, namely, you know, Kyrie and Cleo from Mahogany made all kinds of stuff, space and, and helped all of us, like, really elevate our, our craft.
But, yeah, that's how I, that's how I get in. And then there's this whole thing where they have to redo the, the rubric for the judging because I don't have publishing in the traditional way, but I got a hundred thousand views on YouTube. So how do you judge those things against each other and shout out Patrice Hill, who is another spoken word artist who was applying the same time as me, because if there hadn't have been two spoken word artists, I think they could have. They would have just written me off.
So if it wasn't for my sis, I don't think I would have had the same shot and the same opportunity. So, yeah, there was a lot of divinity that lined things up for me to be in a position to kick open some of the doors that I have the last few years.
[00:24:28] Speaker A: And how did that feel after getting that position or role or honor?
How did that feel for you? Coming from that space, which I know well of not being good enough. Not being enough and then having something like this?
What were your internal thoughts in the process?
[00:24:51] Speaker B: I mean, number one, I celebrated Hard is a life dream, right?
But what I'll tell you that I noticed and that I had to, like, shift for my own joy hunt. I had this title for about three weeks before I started thinking about, oh, I want an honorary doctorate. I want a key to the city. I want. This is what's next. What's next? What's next? What's next?
So wait, you took 35 years to get this. You've wanted this title since you were 16 years old.
That's damn near 20 years.
And you got it, and you let yourself be happy for three weeks.
20 years to three weeks.
Why can't you be happy? Right? Like, and so it's that part of trying to get the ambition under control. Ambition is a great thing, but it also can be a mask for that piece of not thinking you're enough. Or, you know, if I. If I get this title and I get this thing and I get this, maybe I'll feel like enough that don't. It'll never come from outside of you. There's no amount of awards, and I got some real, real fancy ones, and they don't. They don't fill up those holes like you have to do that work. You have to sit with you and you have to learn to love those pieces of you they don't fix with an award or an accolade.
And that was a huge part of learning that process for me, because it was, I'd always, you know, poet laureate was all I wanted to be since I was 16 years old. I got it. And then I was like, immediately like, what else do I need to fill this thing?
[00:26:31] Speaker A: I think that's so cool, too, because there are people that think once I make X amount of money, once I'm, you know, famous, once I fill in the blank, I'm going to feel like I'm enough or I'm going to feel totally satisfied in life. And it's just not true. Like you said, it's the internal work that needs to be done. And speaking of that, stay with us, everybody. We're going to take a short break and we will be right back with Andrew. We'll be right back with more insight, inspiration, and real conversations. This is Spanish Janice on NOW Media Television. And we're back. I'm Janice Burt, and you're watching Spanish Spanish Janice. Let's keep growing together.
Welcome back, my friends, to Spanish Janice. I am here with Andrew Defy, and we have been talking about all things joy and voice and expression.
Now I want to really look at what happens when our inner work that we do becomes public leadership, when we become leaders and people are looking up to us.
So, Andrew, I know that you were the leader, the lead guy in Sacramento Poetry Day.
Tell us a little bit about that and what it entailed. And then I want to talk a little bit more specifically about leadership in leadership qualities.
[00:27:58] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
So I become laureate. I get copied on this email from Patrick Grisel, who is an OG poet at the time. He's not the president of the Poetry center like he is now.
And we get copied on this email and it says, what are we doing for Sacramento Poetry Day this year?
And I was like, what? There's a Sacramento Poetry Day? I had no idea that this even existed.
So from there, it's about two weeks out. So we hustled and scheduled up a show with Patrick, who is the Sacramento poetry historian. Like, that is the man to talk to about poetry in Sacramento.
So it was him, Viola Spencer, who was the first poet laureate of Sacramento and myself.
That was huge because a lot of the older people weren't too sure about who I was as a young, used to be rapper turned poet laureate.
And Patrick and Viola kind of flanking Me keeping me protected from a lot of it was big love.
So, yeah, that was the first day. And then I just knew, like, next year everyone's going to know that it's Sacramento Poetry Day.
I get really excited about it. I apply for the Academy of American Poetry's Laureate fellowship, which is a.
A big check. And a lot of it is for you to write your poetry as poet laureate and to do what you need to do, which was great because the city does not pay enough to the.
To the poet laureate.
So there was also a big chunk for a civics project. And So I got $15,000 to create a civics project. And what we did was we created a curriculum of local poets, worked with educators to turn that into curriculum that met California core education standards. We did a contest, we did a gala, we did awards where the poets got state senate recognition personally written out about them and what they'd done.
So, you know, just really working to put poetry at the forefront. Forefront in the city's arts. We're always in the back.
They. When we get asked to play festivals and things like that, they want us to play in between bands while they're setting up the stage. So while the drums are getting set up, I'm trying to do my poetry over here. Like, we're pretty disrespected as an art form, so I really wanted to make them as my brother K, the poet said, put some respect on something.
And so that was kind of the whole, the whole plan. And now it's a SAC Poetry Week that it's grown into billboards with poets on them and events everywhere. And yeah, it's been really amazing to see what we've been able to do with a little bit of support. It goes so, so far and kudos
[00:31:07] Speaker A: to you for doing that. And I know you had support and people around you, but it really does take a leader who's going to kind of take the charge and be the go to guy.
So speaking of leadership, for you, what is a good leader? What does that look like?
[00:31:30] Speaker B: I always go to the same story when this topic comes up.
So I led a crew called ZFG0 Forbidden Goals. And it was some of the city's best artists. I mean, comedians, rappers, visual artists, all of it. And we were probably 30 deep at a certain time.
And I remember I'm the leader and I'm trying to figure out, how do I. How am I the best leader? How can I be the best leader? And I heard a podcast with RZA from Wu Tang Clan and he said, that at the beginning of Wu Tang Clan, he sat everybody down and he said, look, I'm not the general, because there's no privates here. Everybody here is a general, right? Like, I don't outrank everybody, but if y' all want to be the number one rap group in the world, you need to give me the reins and the wheel. Because I'm the only one looking out for everybody's best interest.
All of you are looking out for your individual interests. I'm the only one looking out for everybody, and I think that's what a good leader is, right? When I was running that crew, when an opportunity came up, the person who got the opportunity was the person who was best for the opportunity, the person that would get the most benefit from the opportunity. It wasn't who I thought that day was doing the best, right? Like. Or that I liked the most, right? Like, I'd be fighting with some of my people and be like, I don't like you right now, but I got an opportunity for you. Because this one's. Because it's for you. It's going to move you farther, right? So I think it's, you know, in the spaces where I've been, I think about Soul Collective and Estella Sanchez over there and her leadership, and it was the exact same thing. She was always looking. It wasn't about, you know, if there's an interview opportunity, she wasn't going to take it just because she wanted to shine.
Who's most qualified on the team to talk about that thing? Who's going to reflect best on the organization, right?
So I think that's, for me, that's what I always come back to with leadership is like, you got to be looking out for everybody's best interest. You can't just be looking out for you, right? I could have. I could have made the billboard last year. Just a real close up, real tight close up of my face, you know, but wanting to make sure that all of the poets get the same opportunity. The poets have been in the trenches with me for the last 15 years. Like, no, y' all on that billboard, right? Because I need your students to see you on that billboard, right? Because that's what it's really about is the. The bigger goal for everybody.
[00:34:04] Speaker A: So that seems to me like it has the community in mind. You're really looking out for this community and assessing everybody's skills and what they bring to the table, and then being the one to say, hey, this is an opportunity for you. Here's the thing for you. And I would imagine that by having that perspective too, it gains you a lot of respect and love from people that are like, oh, you know, I see that. I see that you're looking out for the greater good and not just to have your mug on a billboard kind of thing.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, for. For the most part, I think there are definitely, like, moments where it's. It's hard because of that, right. Like when I've got a.
I got a rapper who really wants to open up for this person, this person's coming to town and they asked me who I got to open up for him. But you're not ready, right? You not working on your craft like you should, then I got to be the one to break that news. I got to be the bad guy that says you're not ready when you think you are.
But again, why am I not putting you on? Because I'm thinking about the crowd, I'm thinking about the promoter, I'm thinking about everyone in the room. And if you're not ready, it doesn't matter how much you want to go open up for that person. Right?
So, you know, a lot of times it's. It's the respect and the love, and I think the. The greater sense, that's what you get. But it's definitely, like, made some relationships hard in moments where I got to be the one to make that. That call. When.
When you're not ready.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: Well, I would say that then you wouldn't be able to be a very good people pleaser in that place, which
[00:35:44] Speaker B: is hard because I love to be same.
[00:35:49] Speaker A: Would you say that you're a people pleaser or struggle with those kind of tendencies?
[00:35:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. I love people and I love to be loved. And it makes me feel like enough when I'm loved. Right.
So I definitely have that and have to, like, keep that in imbalance, right. That, like, hey. Because it's.
It's not always kind to not be truthful with someone when there's a hard truth. Right. Like a lot of times I think about some of the people who've told me those hard truths in my life were some of the people who love me the most just devastated me in the moment, but devastated me because they wanted to see me do better. They knew I could do better. Right. And it's the same thing with a lot of these. These youngsters that I think about that I've said no to or that I had to close the door on or something.
And I've watched them sometimes, despite me, you know, improve themselves and work on their craft. And if I got it, I don't care the means to get it. But if I can get the best performance out of you, if I can help you elevate, I don't care if it's out of spite, you know, like, however it comes.
[00:37:00] Speaker A: Well, and it's that ability, at least for me, to not take responsibility for other people's emotions and that, that is their.
Their life. And if a door does shut for them, that's going to be a learning and growth experience for them. That if I'm just people pleasing all the time, that's not going to happen for them.
[00:37:20] Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely. And I mean, just in the context of what, you know, the entertainment industry, like, you know, if you're. If you're doing local, quality work, it's not gonna elevate by me not telling you that's some real local. Like, yeah, if you want to be at the top of the local scene, cool. But you can't go to Atlanta and do that.
You can't go to New York and do that. They not having that. They're not going to book you. They're not going to have you back. Right. Like, so, you know. Yeah.
[00:37:52] Speaker A: Sometimes the hard truths are gifts.
[00:37:55] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:37:57] Speaker A: And that's. I'm glad you brought that up today because it is a really good reminder for me, too, and for, I'm sure our audience that's listening, that sometimes those hard conversations, I mean, they don't feel good. It's not going to feel good in the moment. Like, you just have to know that and you have to trust that. You know what, as I walk in alignment and being honest, like, hey, this is how I see it. This is the truth here for me, and I'm authentic in that.
Then the other person, that's their lane, and they're gonna have to figure out their side of things.
And as one who struggles with that a lot, I've had to say, what am I, like, trying to play God here? Because kind of that's what it, you know, I'm taking care of everybody. Oh. I don't want them to feel. But what if I'm ruining some big cosmic plan because I'm not staying in my lane, being in alignment right here?
[00:38:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:54] Speaker A: So we are going to talk more about all of this internal awesomeness when we come back. Everybody, stay tuned. We will be right back. We'll be right back with more insight, inspiration, and real conversations. This is Spanish Janice on NOW Media Television. And we're back. I'm Janice Burt, and you're watching Spanish Janice. Let's keep growing together.
Welcome back to Spanish Janice. I am here with Andrew Defy and Andrew. To wrap this up, I want to talk about a little bit about resilience, like coming back from hard times. Because I feel like we never really fail, genuinely fail in life unless we totally refuse to bounce back up to, to come back and just go, go at it again.
So what, in your own life, how have, how have you been resilient? Because I'm sure there have been times where you've been knocked down, knocked down by grief, knocked down by loss, knocked down by, by all these things, failures, whatever.
How have you been resilient in those times? What's worked for you?
[00:40:16] Speaker B: So I tell people all the time that when I leave this plane of existence, the quote that I want to be remembered for is poetry is how we speak ourselves into existence.
And, you know, so I was born without stomach muscles. I have a wild medical condition. I was in hospitals growing up. I was given not a lot of time to live 25 plus years past what they said that I would make it to. And a lot of that I credit to writing my own narrative and doing that through the poetry.
And so, you know, when I go into schools to teach poetry, I don't teach poetry. I don't care if you learn how to count syllables or stanzas or you learn forms. Not everyone needs that. Most of us don't until you get married. And then you're going to need it for Valentine's Day.
But outside of that, the importance of poetry and what poetry does is storytelling. It's narrative building.
And the more that I dig into the neuroscience of it, of the narrative building and the neuroplasticity of our brains and the way that, you know, if we say the way that we talk to ourselves, right? So I'm someone who for years said, I'm bad at math. I can't do math. I'm not a math person. I'm a word person. I write poetry. Don't mix letters and numbers together, okay?
And at a certain point, I had to shift that in my brain to where I would say, I'm learning math. I'm not a math oriented person. So it takes me a little bit longer, but I'm learning this. I've got this.
And the way that, that shapes even my own ability to sit down when someone says, okay, so today I want to talk to you about math. I don't immediately shut down because my narrative is different, right?
So for me, that also became, I make beats So I know 8th notes and quarter notes and 16th notes, and I do fractions all the time. Like, I'm really good at this, right? But it's because I switched that narrative up. And I think that a lot of times, that's when I say neuroplasticity, it means the ability of our brain to shift. Shift and change, right?
So, you know, we've seen people who were sad, grumpy people, and then they start doing that inner work and they become a different person. They can find that joy. They become a much nicer person to be around, right? That's neuroplasticity.
When you have, like, you know, I got friends who are about my age, in their 30s and 40s, that are learning a new skill. Skill for the first time. They're learning a new sport, or they're learning to skate, or they're learning new things at that age. That's neuroplasticity, right?
Our brains don't recognize truth.
They recognize repetition.
So what you say to yourself becomes your truth. And what's your truth in here becomes your truth out here, right? So that's where the resilience really comes in, is, you know, I wrote that I was going to live.
I wrote that I was going to be okay. I wrote that I was, you know, they would classify me as disabled. I've never identified that way in my life.
I wrote out that I wasn't. Right? Like, and that's my resilience. I've never moved like that because in here I was never that. Right? So I think that there's so much that in our own dialogues and in our own narratives, and then thinking about how are you touching your dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins in that narrative, right? Are you speaking life into yourself that's going to give your serotonin a boost and make you feel good about you, or are you speaking negatively about yourself that's going to deplete your serotonin? Are you holding everything in so you're not releasing, so your endorphins aren't getting up now, Right? So all of these. You start thinking of yourself as a circuit board. And I'm like, oh, I need to just tweak this little piece right here.
Which can be very helpful.
[00:44:28] Speaker A: Oh, my. I love how you explain this stuff. I mean, this is so good. And talk about taking this to schools and to have younger. The younger generation be able to have the awareness. I mean, because really a lot of it is the awareness.
Oh, you know, first of all and I'm not my thoughts.
And if I have a really negative thought I can transform that into a positive thought.
[00:44:57] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: Now let's say somebody is just really in the negative thinking mindset and just barely has that initial awareness like oh I just said that I was ugly. I. I just called myself fat when I looked in the mirror. I just. Because sometimes we do that we don't even know absolutely not even aware absolutely that we're talking to ourselves like that. So let's say that person just even listening to you has that awareness of oh man, my self talk is really like horrible and I wouldn't talk to my own worst enemy this way.
What's the one thing that they can start doing to start with the neuroplasticity Because I know that's a time thing. It's. It needs repetition.
But what, what can they do? What are a couple things that they might be able to do to take some steps to improving that.
[00:45:49] Speaker B: Mantras.
Mantras and affirmations, right? So having that thing that you continuously say I have a poet friend by the name of J. Wro and J. Ro's mantra is never perfect, always honest.
And I've watched her mouth that to herself before shows, before classes, before we were speaking to groups. But she carries that and it refines and rebuilds in her brain. Right.
For me I'm always go post it note by the bathroom mirror.
So every day while you're brushing your teeth, every day, every time you go in there to clean up, every time you go in there to use the bathroom bathroom when you washing your hands and washing your face, you see in this thing I have a note that my mentor gave me about purpose and what I'm trying to do and how all of these things kind of line up. And I keep it right there by my mirror in my bathroom so that every day I'm seeing this and I'm putting some kind of thought to how this all comes together right?
So it's the same thing where you know what's that negative harmful narrative? How do you combat that? Right? And then write that out. And sometimes it's not.
It's the phrase of I'm learning this, right?
What I learned in my journey for self love is that you can't just stand in the mirror and say I love myself, I love myself. I love myself a million times and have it happen.
Because if you don't love yourself, saying I love myself just awakens the contrast in your body and and creates that gap.
And so I started saying I'm I'm better. I'm getting better at this. I'm getting better at loving myself. I'm better at this than I was yesterday. Right. And that all feels like I can take that. Yeah.
So, you know, I think there's something around that, and I tell people is in order to love, you have to trust. That's what other people just like it is with yourself. And in order to trust, you have to forgive. So have you forgiven yourself?
Do you trust yourself? Don't start at love.
That's where you get to.
But there was a lot I had to forgive myself for. There was a lot that I went through that I had to forgive myself for. And I think that's one of the biggest pieces of advice I ever got from my og. She said, forgive yourself for what you've been through. Through, not what I did. I didn't do anything but to forgive myself for what I've been through and where I was put at.
So, yeah, I think those are. Those are kind of the keys for. For where to start. And just make sure it's in front of your face. Keep doing it. Do it when it doesn't feel like it's working.
Do it when it feels like it's dumb, because if you do it long enough, it does work. And you know that to be true because it's been true for other things in your life. Right.
And we think about where we got these narratives a lot of time, you know, we talk about the I'm ugly or I'm bad at this, or I'm dumb or I'm not.
We got. Where'd you get that narrative from? It wasn't you.
Most likely that was handed to you and most likely was handed to you when you were too young to have the tools to be like, no, that's not mine. Right. So you just took it.
Okay, I'm gonna hold on to this now.
And so, you know, going through and figuring out, like, where those come from to be able to set them down and be like, oh, that's not mine. You can have that back.
[00:49:20] Speaker A: Right? Oh, man. I love what you said about the forgiveness, trust and then love.
Because so many times we're told, hey, self love. We gotta. Let's. Let's plug into that self love, you know? But where does that actually start? And what you said rings true. Just in my own life, as far as the progression of things. And I wrote a whole thing about forgiving, forgiving myself, forgiving other people, and then trust as we do hard things, you gain that self respect and like, oh, I trust myself. Okay, you kind of build that piece and then. And for me, tell me if you've done, I don't know if you've done any inner child kind of work. Probably, yes, absolutely. So for me, I've done that part and that really helped with that part. Final piece of self love was having compassion on little Janice.
So how has that been for you with little, little baby Andrew?
[00:50:17] Speaker B: Huge. I. Because I was born with this medical condition and it made me feel deformed, it made me feel ugly, it made me feel broken.
And I was so mean to that little baby. And I started doing that inner child work and just like, yo, you would never, you would never look at a little baby and say that or have that energy, right? Like, so going into the room, you do a visualization. When you go into the room, pick up that baby from that cradle, hold that baby, tell them, yo, I'm sorry I was really rough on you. You didn't deserve that. Right? Like, and that's huge. That, that shifted a whole lot for me.
That thing where you were talking about, like, I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy like this. Right?
So, yeah, I highly suggest everyone, you know, I.
There's a poem that I have that says, be sure you run back to your childhood and apologize for all of the lies you ever told you, because there's so many of those that we told ourselves, ourselves that aren't true about who we are, you know, so, yeah,
[00:51:31] Speaker A: and now that we're older, we can recognize and we can comfort that little us and bring them into the fold. And maybe that love that we wished we could have received back then, we give to ourselves. And it's this beautiful, beautiful thing before we wrap up. Andrew, how can.
How can the listeners find you? Where. Where can they learn more about the Great Joy Hunt and about you?
[00:51:59] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm on Instagram at Andrew Defy as Andrew defy.com for a little bit more, you can find the Great Joy Hunt on PBS abridged every couple of weeks.
Yeah, there'll be more and more coming.
[00:52:14] Speaker A: Thank you so much for being just an amazing guest and seriously giving us your, your wisdom, your truth, yourself.
And you are more than enough. I'm so grateful for you and thank you everybody for joining us here at Spanish Janice. We'll see you next.
